Would you continue your relationship if you found out your boyfriend was a drug addict?
Well, I am not perfect either. I look pretty normal, like any other young lady - healthy and independent. I work, I drive, I look after my niece - but I am not like any other young lady. I was not the same as any other kid when I was young.
I was not a healthy kid. After one year of struggles, with confusion and tears of why I couldn't run as fast as my friends, or why my body did not lifted up in the air when I jumped, I was finally diagnosed with Dermatomyositis at the age of 7.
That was 26 years ago. It has been a tough journey.
When I was 15 years old, the diagnosis changed to Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (MCTD). Not long after that, my medical notes grew thicker with records of major depression.
I know I look normal and healthy today. I know I do not feel normal and healthy. But who knows?
After 26 years suffering with many illnesses, you don't go around and tell people you are not well. You stopped being a burden. You pushed away the limitation put on you. You just want to be seen and treated like a normal person, even though deep inside you are not.
You keep the pain and sadness deep inside you. You stopped sharing. It made people stopped to understand you. It made people treat you like any other human being, without any idea you were suffering inside. You started to hate people because you thought they did not understand. But you are consumed by ego so high, you never let people see what is eating you inside.
Mother wants me to find a good reliable man who can look after me. As far as I remember, none of my former boyfriends were chosen by me - they came into my life without notice. Finding a husband is not like picking a dress in the mall - which you can choose and try, before make a decision. I am not a celebrity to have a catalog of men to choose from. Knowing myself, I am thankful enough if there was a man willing to take the bumpy ride with me - at least, he was giving a try.
Ryan is not a perfect man. He is not reliable as any other chronic drug user.
He is always late - but he never cancels.
He spends all his money on drugs - but he always bring chocolates for me.
He falls asleep in the middle of conversation - but he never wants to sleep when he is with me.
He rarely texts me - but when he does, he tells me he loves and misses me.
He holds my hand, all the time.
He treats me as gentle as he can.
He tells me I am beautiful.
He always has hard time of saying goodbye to me.
He hug, kiss and tells me he loves me each time he has to go.
- in which none of these ever happened with any of my former boyfriends.
I am not perfect either. Ryan accepts me as who I am. Who am I to dream of a knight in shining armour with muscular body and heavy gold coins bags?
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